Author: keef

I absolutely have to see this movie. My life will not be completed until I have a chance to view it. I’m certain of this.

Let’s examine:

It’s a movie about Genghis Khan starring John Wayne.

I wanna know who came up with this idea, what they were smoking, where you can get it, and how much it costs.

Here are some user comments from IMDB:

“This not only has to be one of the worst films in history, but it is also one of the saddest when you consider that much of the cast and crew would die years later.”

Wow. That one’s pretty heavy. I mean, we ALL die EVENTUALLY, but the fact that this reviewer considers it sadder that they died years after making this movie leaves me to wonder if he’d rather have seen swift justice. Let’s see what the next guy has to say.

“I mean, I’ve seen some giant pieces of crap in my day, but this takes the bowl. My god, what were they thinking?”

I like it. Blunt, short, and to the point. However, I wish there was a little more criticism of the themes and story line so I have an idea of what I’m getting into when I view this no doubt classic film.

Next.

“My favourite lines: “My heart tells me this Tartar woman is for me” and “Share the booty”.”

No comments from the peanut gallery on this one.

“often reviled and ridiculed by critics and public alike; this admittedly amusing hollywood cock up is at least entertaining and passes muster. for all it’s faults though it’s not nearly as bad or offensive as duke’s later ‘the green berets’.”

That sounds sort of promising.

“‘I see ya do not care ta feel tha tip of my lance, Jamuga.’ This incredible line was uttered by John Wayne in one of the most unbelievably funny movies of all time. How could he have done this movie ? This is a movie that must be seen to be believed . There are endless lines like this just read the other reviews to hear others but I could not resist adding my personal my favorite. He’s chasing a fellow “Mongolian” around a field on horseback when this beauty pops out.”

I almost fell down.

The voice of a generation, folks.

I think I better try finding this horrible movie tonight.

[BROKEN IMAGE]

[IMAGE TITLE: lathamwill/images/ozdiorama.jpeg ]

I’m sitting down with a cup of chai right now, reflecting on all the mistakes I’ve ever made and all the things I have ever done wrong with my life.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Fooled ya!

The last thing I wanted to see when I woke up this morning was any amount of snow on the ground.

Especially after I was wearing shorts most of the day yesterday.

Goddamn winter.

Goddamnit.

So, the spare tire rack on the back of my blazer is broken, or stuck, or rusted shut. Regardless, I cannot open it and was not able to put the organ in the back end of said vehicle.

So I have to go meet the guy at his house sometime next week and we’ll drive it over.

Thankfully he was very nice about this, which impresses me since he’s getting 20 bucks out of this deal. I’ll probably give him a little more since he’s going to drive it over now too, but I’m still impressed that he isn’t trying to sell it to someone else now.

What a swell guy.

Guy on the Phone: How can I keep Adult Pop Ups from flashing up on my screen?
Me: Don’t look at Adult Websites.
Guy on the Phone: Fuck You. (hangs up)

–

[USAABill] I hate people who talk to themselves on the telephone
[USAABill] it adds a whole new dimension to weirdness
[Tiffanie] yep
[Tiffanie] or when people dont want to stop talking
[Tiffanie] it makes me sad cuz what if they’re lonely
[USAABill] oh they definently are. On Christmas eve I worked until 8:00. From about 4:00 on, I only talked to lonely Jewish guys in New York
[Tiffanie] hehe
[USAABill] they’d always point out that they were Jewish
[USAABill] and I’d be reading their account information thinking “Duh!”
[USAABill] who else names a kid “Hymen”?
[Tiffanie] hehehe

–

Today was a pretty good day. It was very laid back. I couldn’t have asked for more as it’s my friday on wednesdays. Right now I’m drinking a Corona and doing laundry.

Tonight is also my night off from my newfound hobby of jogging. I’ve gone four days in a row, and scheduled tonight as my night of rest. Tommorow morning I’m going to start working it into my morning routine. That should be nice.

Also tommorow, I am picking up my newly aquired Lowery Organ. I’m pretty excited. Even though I can’t currently play the organ, I’m excited to learn. This will be my second new hobby.

Just picture me on Elimidate as the eligble bachelor explaining his hobbies:

Me: I’m into Organs and Jogging.
Girl #1: See ya, Chump.
Girl #2: What the hell?
Girl #3: (throws diet coke in my face)

Ok, that was a bad example.

Anyway, I’m pretty excited to own an organ. And on that note (that pun was totally unintended, I just considered backspacing that even), I have whites to wash.

I help complete idiots get their e-mail and get connected to the internet for a living. I do technical support for earthlink.

Some days leave me wondering when I’m going to get an ulcer and die with a head set on staring into the monitor of a computer. Most days, I just end up killing time on Fark or Ebay.

Yesterday I talked to people who made my head hurt and made me laugh hysterically.

Take this for example:

A middle aged woman calls up and says “I can’t get any server.”

I thought that sounded absolutely dirty. I got a good snigger out of it, even though I didn’t have a clue what the hell she meant by that. She ended up just needing a password, so I never figured out what she wanted.

But say that to yourself right now.

“I can’t get any server.”

Well, neither can I.

Next up was a man who’s modem just wasn’t working for anything. It was just gone. Finally, he admited defeat and knew he’d have to go drop a whole ten bucks on a new modem.

“I guess I’m AOL,” he said. “SHIT OUTTA LUCK.”

And I thought about that one too. I mean, sure the acronym doesn’t make much sense at first glance, but when you think about it, doesn’t it?

I thought so.

(NOTE: This is the first entry on keef.net, after Bill migrated from Diaryland.)

I really hate introductions, so I’ll make this as quick and painless as possible.

A while ago, Keef offered me space over here at the luxurious Keef.net blog space and at the time, I was very happy with my old page. Well, I’m not able to update it whenever I want to nowadays and that gets pretty old.

So here I am.

I’m Bill.
I’m 21.
I live in Iowa (hence the title of the page).

Here is a picture that amuses me:

Isn’t that cute?

So that’s the first entry. From now on, I promise not to suck.