I heard mustaches were the hip new thing, so I thought I’d try a few different ones out. Only now, there are so many different ones to choose from, I’m beside myself with what one is right for me.
So I’m asking you, nay begging you, to help me pick the mustache that’s right for me.
Here are your choices:
1)The French Waiter
Classic. Simple. Classy, perhaps.
2)The Barbershop Quartet
Good bye, my Coney Island Baby.
3)Hitler
Yeah, you were expecting this one.
4)Super Mario
Jump on mushrooms, squish turtles, and shoot fire.
5)Groucho Marx
Say the secret word and you can win $50.
6)Mad Dog
I do live in Council Bluffs, and I did grow up here…
7)The Prize Fighter
Actually, this one is just here for contrast. Cleaning permanent marker off of your face is a bitch.
So vote, fuckers!